Breaking myths and the stigma: Embracing Queerness

“Is my life worth living if I never felt like it was truly ever mine?”

“I have been an actor my whole life just for shelter and food, it’s too much for a teenager”

“The love and affection I’ve received from everyone never meant anything, they admire the shell, not who I really am”

“I loved him so much, I would have said yes if I just didn’t hate myself so much”

These are a few sentences delivered by some of the greatest, most talented individuals I’ve met that happened to be my clients for therapy. These well distinguished people who are supposed to thrive in society were in shambles before me, held back and ruined by the shackles of ostracization. Their potentials were so great yet very unnoticed because something else of them was taking stage in others’ perception instead.

The world has been so heteronormative to an extreme that queerness was brushed to the shadows and corners of society; resulting in hopelessness amongst the marginalized community. Their mental health suffers more than the average heterosexual as there is a predetermined set of problems in addition to other issues everyone else faces in life.

Kindness and compassion is a human trait and to remain human we must practice it in our everyday life. To start, respecting and understanding one another is crucial. One way to facilitate this by debunking certain common myths of queerness.

Common myths about queerness

Myth 1: Being Queer is a choice

Fact: Research from various sources have identified that human sexuality is a complex interplay between genes, environment and hormones! Although sexuality is fluid and in a spectrum, one cannot decide their sexuality just easily like how you and I cannot decide who we get attracted to.

 

Remember, sexuality is and has always been a continuum! See where you could potentially fall under.

Myth 2: Queerness is a modern trend

Fact: Queerness has been documented in the records from the ancient eras and throughout history although they were rarely ever given labels due to how normalized it used to be at one point! The famous Greek hero, Achilles, was portrayed in scriptures and paintings to be having a male lover, Patroclus, whose death eventually led to his demise.

Myth 3: Queerness can be ‘cured’

Fact: Homosexuality was once incorrectly considered an illness by professionals like Sigmund Frued over a century ago. Conversion therapy was also promptly introduced hoping to ‘convert’ homosexuals back to heterosexuality; this obviously failed leading to worsening of the victims’ mental health, leading to suicide and other severe mental disorders. The breakthrough happened In 1973, when the American Psychiatric Association (APA) declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder. In the 2000s, the APA and other professional organizations issued statements condemning conversion therapy. Finally, the Indian Psychological Society (IPS) in 2018, issued the status vindicating homosexuality as not a disease and condemning any therapy focusing to reverse the same.

Myth 4: Queer people are confused or ‘going through a phase’

Fact: Experimenting is one thing; however, being denied your struggles with your identity can be detrimental for youngsters figuring out their sexuality. What most parents don’t understand is that this ‘phase’ of figuring out can take years or more. Sometimes, it takes till late adulthood to truly understand, accept and express one’s sexuality.

Now that we have gotten a few doubts cleared, let’s put ourselves in the shoes of an average queer person and educate our minds about the regular struggles they face on a day-to-day basis.

Unique struggles and troubles queer people face

1. Internalised homophobia and self acceptance

Most of queer people grow up in heteronormative households and society, which holds these communities in a bad light. Growing up, we tend to share values, beliefs and faith of our parents and community, internalizing it for ourselves. This can be a conflict to one’s self image and can result in self hatred and acceptance

Remember, acceptance and love starts from you, people only reflect the feelings you carry within.

2. Coming out

It starts from acknowledging you are not straight which itself takes time. The second stage of coming out is being vulnerable and expressing your queerness and difference in a heteronormative world. It is an act that deserves praise for bravery and inturn, something that deserves pride for doing so. Hence, why Pride is often associated with queerness.

3. Ostracization and neglect

Straight people are inherently gifted with privileges and rights such as the act of marriage and raising a family of their own and public displays of affection being shrugged off. Their existence is viewed as normal whereas queer existence could be dealt with social rejection and in some countries, even prison sentences.

4. Widespread discrimination

Being queer or being themselves can come with a heavy price of being hate crimed and harassment. Hate towards such groups has been normalized instead and is extremely prevalent in online platforms especially where people are unfiltered due to the online inhibition effect (refer to the article on why people are insensitive online). Most of the actions we straight people do without a second thought could be a privilege queer people dream of getting without fighting hard for.

Compassion goes a long way to make anyone’s day but some of the individuals have faced an overwhelming load of trauma and discrimination which needs more to work with.

This is when taking care of their mental health comes to utmost relevance.

The role of Queer-Affirmative Therapy

Queer-Affirmative therapy is a therapeutic approach that affirms and supports the experiences and identities of LGBTQ+ individuals. Unlike traditional therapies that may pathologize or seek to change non-heteronormative identities, QAT recognizes the validity of queer identities and aims to empower clients by affirming their sexual orientation and unique experiences.

Here, individuals are taught many perspectives of looking into their lives and selves; they are made to feel safe and most importantly, heard and understood. Clients are taught and exposed to:

● Resilience building

● Assertiveness training

● Queer friendly resources

● Queer networks

● Trauma focused counseling

● Education about the community (Different kinds of sexual identities, science behind it, etc)

This kind of therapy works in reverse to Conversion Therapy where the goal is to make the clients accept their sexual identity, build confidence and start self-loving.

Let’s do an introspection activity!: The Klein Sexuality Grid

Awareness of yourself is what is known as self-insight and can save yourself from many confusion and conflict life throws at you. This scale is not a means to detect your sexuality but rather prompts you to wonder about it. The pondering may help you understand yourself better or at least wonder where to begin.

 

Scan to do the test or simply click on the link!:

https://bi.org/en/klein-grid/lOYbMXCyJMlABLLySQUyQoGMc1zGn2OhkEk1ZEt5

Activity two: Vicarious experience of being a homosexual

Consider doing these activities from the link below to have a better grasp of what these individuals would have to deal with on a day to day basis. Reflect and gauge on the feelings you experience while you engage in the activity and answer the questions earnestly.

Let us take careful measures to cultivate compassion and empathy and be the rainbow in someone’s life!